It's been nearly a year since writing anything on my website. I've been so busy with life, and the daily rituals of family and work that I could never find the time to do the things I love the most.
Although I began working when I was 14 my direction was skewed, and in all these years I can not remember ever being asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I can, however, remember being told that I need to be two things in life: a doctor or a lawyer, of which I'm neither. Does that mean I wasn't truly asked? Undoubtably not. However, the mind is amazing, and what people often remember is selective. I am no different. Does that mean I should have gotten my shit together? Probably so, but wisdom only comes with experience, and that's certainly something I didn't have in my teens or early twenties. Even now I sit back and wonder if the things I do are right, but unlike my earlier years, I also realize that dwelling on the negative, the past and the ebb and flow of daily on goings only creates greater frustration. I've spent the last year reflecting on balance, as well. What I learned is balance is a grand illusion. It's a fuzzy haze with no set parameters, and often becomes nothing more than an untouchable desire. Either way, I've stopped searching for balance, and started sifting through the bullshit to see what really makes me happy. This happiness is not dependent on others, but based on the sheer joy it brings me. This single parameter defines what is allowed to affect me. So here I am moving forward, making progress and developing in a direction that makes me a better person based on what I believe is important to me. This is my Forward 40. 10/16/2016
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It's another early day and I've decided to post a short blog post. Who am I kidding? I know it's going to be a long one. I think I just wrote that to lure you in.
I've been thinking a lot lately, and am very unsure of the next steps in my life. I have spent the last decade doing what I think is the best and right thing for everyone else, and somewhere along the way I lost sight of things. I became fearful, and full of resentment. Externally I seem pleasant and okay, but internally things are frayed and raw. Although I do the best to keep things balanced, they no longer feel that way. The scale has surely begun to weigh heavily on the negative side. Positivity has taken a back seat. I feel that things need to change, and my plans are to make those changes each day with small gradual steps to find myself again. For years my direction has been all over, and usually with one step forward, and sixteen back. Obvioulsy success is never linear, and there are many mistakes and setbacks along the way, but sometimes, a straight shot to success would be wonderul for the tiniest goals. That's something else I noticed that I lost sight of. My goals. I haven't set realistic, or even unrealistic goals, for quite some time. These have been forgotten and not replaced with anything meaningful. I often wonder if balance is cruel joke that only a few people get. Or is it a lifelong obsession that never amounts to anything? |
Lisa M. WhiteAboutI'm not a chef; just a homecook enthusiast who loves to feed my family and friends. I'm a red meat eating, cheeseburger lover. And, there's nothing better than a cold, crisp, Coca-Cola® served with lime to accompany that.
I'm a firm believer food is love, and love is food. Categories
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